So there has always been stigma around mental health and I’ve never understood why.
We’ve all had our rough patches in life, some more intense than others, but we are all affected some way or another.
I’ve always been interested in psychology and mental health, even more so since I became a support worker, which don’t get me wrong, can get intense and make you want to scream into a pillow.
But I’ve realised something I’ve never thought of before…… bad words spoken can cause so much damage. I’ve always been told by my mother “sticks and stones” but that’s not always the case.
A couple of years ago I had this highly abusive ex, who mentally drained me. I was useless, worthless and didn’t deserve to live…..so he said. Obviously if you endure something for so long, it becomes a part of you.
I couldn’t show affection, I constantly apologise, I try and excel myself to make sure others feel abit of love.I still struggle with going into my local Tesco, it’s drilled into my head to look at the floor and not engage with anyone. Only because i would be faced with a million questions, accusations and reminders that I was not allowed friends
I know not to look back in anger, I believe that we go through these things in our life, not so much as a punishment, but to help us grow.
But I still find myself asking “who else is suffering in silence like I was?” I find myself walking down the street and I don’t know whether it’s a certain look or vibe, but you just know if someone is struggling like you once did.
I started taking more notice in domestic abuse organisations, so work with such an organisation is my dream as I would love to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
And of course…..that question “why didn’t you just leave?”
Are you kidding me. I know all to well the fear of being held back. It was drilled into my head that I would never be good enough and he will be the only one to love me, the threats of suicide if I left, the hurt both physically and mentally. It’s never going to be easy to leave a toxic person, but it’s not impossible.
Even if though I suffer from PTSD and some of the suppressed memories that resurface break me, I know I can conquer it, slowly but surely.
Surround yourself with the right people and you can conquer the world!
I’m not writing this for sympathy, I’m writing this to raise awareness, people need to to know their worth in this ugly world we live in.
I’ve provided some links with signs of emotional abuse which really made me realise what was going on. Thanks for reading guys, I really appreciate it 😘